I Wish I Could Be The One...

Wednesday, October 8, 2008,

"I'll try," she said as he walked away.
"Try not to lose you."
Two vibrant hearts could change.
Nothing tears the being more than deception,
Unmasked fear.
"I'll be here waiting" tested and secure.

Nothing hurts my world,
Just affects the ones around me
When sin's deep in my blood,
You'll be the one to fall.

"I wish I could be the one,
The one who won't care at all
But being the one on the stand,
I know the way to go, no one's guiding me.
When time soaked with blood turns it's back,
I know it's hard to fall.
Confided in me was your heart
I know it's hurting you, but it's killing me."

Nothing will last in this life,
Our time is spent constructing,
Now you're perfecting a world... meant to sin.
Constrict your hands around me,
Squeeze till I cannot breathe,
This air tastes dead inside me,
Contribute to our plague.
Break all your promises,
Tear down this steadfast wall,
Restraints are useless here,
Tasting salvation's near.

Nothing hurts my world,
Just affects the ones around me
When sin's deep in my blood,
You'll be the one to fall.

"I wish I could be the one,
The one who won't care at all
But being the one on the stand,
I know the way to go, no one's guiding me.
When time soaked with blood turns it's back,
I know it's hard to fall.
Confided in me was your heart
I know it's hurting you, but it's killing me."

- Unholy Confessions -
- Avenged Sevenfold -


just being too happy or being deluded?
I'm doing something to cover my euphoria.

i say things that seems like it may be from fairy tales,
in which i don't believe in.

i don't believe in something but yet i make myself be blinded by it to keep myself happy.
i doubt its worth it.

maybe cause I'm just a coward.
maybe i prefer bliss over grieve
maybe i just don't want the other party to feel hurt
maybe that's why it always never work out.

i need to change my perspective, i can't just play it safe anymore
i played it safe once, i did something so terrible, I'm still shaken till now

or, maybe I'm just one of those type of people that must make simple things, complicated.
i hate showing my problems because it shows my weakness but in doing so,
I'm revealing more of my weaker side.

someone told me she hates me because of my attitude,
how i show myself as being someone so heartless even though i care but i can never show it.
in a way i think i know what she is trying to say.
i am being to heartless towards people that i've lost my soul, i'm just a living thing, thats all, nothing more.

I'm not making any fancy post today.
because i want people to understand my problem,
i think i need to show it, somehow
i've been lost in a way, lost my soul that is.

today it happend to me, i got a big slap in the face, just by one simple un-replying of someone.

i asked a simple question which did not receive its simple answer,
then possibilities were created in my mind,
maybe she is busy,
she is overseas,
she did not receive the message due to it being intercepted,
she choose not to reply cause i might be being too pushy,
she choose not to reply cause she knows what i am up to,
her prepaid is finished,
she mite be affecting someone else,
someone else mite be hooking her up,

someone also told me not to take it too seriously, but why should'nt i?
u can take it too seriously over someone and go crazy about him,
i envy that a lot, i want to be like that, to feel love, to embrace it again.
i"m sorry if that hurts you.

which leads me to another problem,
i keep thinking and worrying about how others feel towards my action, i must stop this and think about how i feel instead.

or maybe, maybe i'm just being crazy and worrying myself far too much of something which is not even a big deal.
'she has the decision, she holds it' - i agree, but i think i can do what ever it takes to make her decision be as close to what i want?

i'm giving it 12hours starting from 3.40pm, if there is no answer, i will go crazy and do something rash,stupid,bold but at least i can either end it or with a glint of hope, a flicker maybe? turn into something even deeper..


i am insane i am...
AlweeVon'Faux at 1:25 AM